Post Brexit #noirwednesday

Here’s a new prompt to me, from Steve Tanham at Sun in Gemini

Steve T noir

It’s not dark exactly, but anyway here goes…

Post Brexit 

Sergeant Theakston mopped his brow. ‘How’d that get there?’

Constable Bould looked at his notes. ‘According to Miss Prism – she lives at number 37 – it was there when she went out this morning for the milk. Appeared overnight.’

‘A house can’t ‘appear’ overnight, Bould.’

‘No Sarge.’

‘Was she sure? Was she drunk?’

Bould considered his notes. Theakston sighed; he wasn’t going to get any sense from his junior. ‘Ok, well, have you knocked?’

‘I thought I’d wait for you, Sarge.’

I bet you did, the older man thought. ‘Ok let’s see what’s going on.’ He strode to the door and rapped on the shiny new paintwork. After a few moments a thirty something man sporting overalls and a huge moustache appeared. ‘Yes?’

‘Mr erm?’

‘Ardovitch.’

‘Right. This house.’

‘Is mine.’

‘Right. The thing is. It’s blocking the bridge.’

‘I fix.’

‘Fix?’

‘Roller. It slip. I fix and we go.’

Theakston glanced at Bould who seemed more interested in the young woman splashing in the river below. Mr Ardovitch noticed too as he said, ‘Is daughter. Lovely, hey?’

Bould turned beetroot. ‘Erm. That is. Like…’

‘Shut up, Bould. Mr Ardovitch, are you saying you rolled this house here?’

‘Yes. Last night.’

Theakston felt something come loose inside his head. The ability to ask questions deserted him; or maybe the need to ask so many questions jammed the works. Bould merely nodded and said, ‘Cool.’

‘I need work.’ Abruptly, Mr Ardovitch turned and closed the door.

‘Bloody hell. What’s going on?’ Theakston felt Bould about to speak. ‘Don’t.’ He held up a hand, preparing to knock again when a deep grinding sound caught his attention. He turned just as a cloud of dust began to envelop the village. Slowly but steadily another small but perfectly formed stone house began to move slowly down the High Street towards the policemen, followed by one, no, two more. Theakston prided himself on his calmness under the most extreme pressure but this was causing him to reassess his ability to cope with stress. The moving buildings ground to a halt a few feet from where the policemen stood. A tall craggy man with a tanned face emerged and walked briskly across. ‘What’s up?’

‘You tell me.’

‘Why’s he parked here? He’s blocking the bridge.’

‘I know. I…’

‘Aren’t you doing anything? This is a public highway.’

Theakston felt his face begin to heat. ‘Now wait a minute. What are you doing here? With that?’

The man looked at the policeman with something approaching condescension. ‘That is my home. Are you saying I shouldn’t have a home?’

‘No, it’s just… It’s a house. It’s not like it’s a caravan.’

‘I see. So you think I should live in a caravan? With five children and my elderly mother?’

Theakston wished he had stayed in bed. ‘No, but you can’t go around moving brick buildings. Can you?’ Even to his own ears he sounded rather pathetic.

The man stepped closer, looming a good few inches over the Sergeant. ‘I came here to work. I was told I was a leech. I took your homes, your jobs. So I’m a builder: I built a home and when I move, it moves. When I find work, it comes with me. Same with all the other Albanian builders. If you didn’t want this, why not be more welcoming? Now if you please, I need to find out why this cottage has stopped and then we can move on.’ He began to move away and then stopped. ‘Oh and you may want to check out the old Police station.’ He waved over his shoulder. ‘Looks like some yobbos have begun a squat.’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in #noirwednesday, flash fiction, miscellany, prompt, short story and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Post Brexit #noirwednesday

  1. Ritu says:

    Well written Geoffles. The plight of those who genuinely moved here is great ..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Love the last line. Priceless.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. stevetanham says:

    Reblogged this on Sun in Gemini and commented:
    Wonderful response from Geoff at Tangental to #NoirWednesday photo prompt: The Little House

    Liked by 1 person

  4. stevetanham says:

    Subtle and prodding, Geoff. Loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Michael says:

    Most entertaining Geoff, loved the concept of the Albanian workers and what might happen to the old police station and the squatters…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Norah says:

    Hilarious, Geoff, with a serious dig. Well done.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Rowena says:

    I bet that Policeman wished he’d stayed i bed that day! Strange things happen around here but at least houses haven’t been moving anywhere. Just my stash of Tim Tams! Lady hasn’t been getting out anymore either. At least, one things not moving when it shouldn’t!
    Have fun in Finland and I look forward to reading more and especially seeing the photos!
    Miss is off to the Opera House tomorrow night so it’s all happening at this end!
    xx Ro

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: #NoirWednesday roundup – ‘The Little House” – Sun in Gemini

  9. Charli Mills says:

    Ah! Point perfectly given and taken! Clever response to both #Brexit and the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. trifflepudling says:

    I enjoyed that!
    Kept wondering what happened with the drains and electricity, though. I never did have any imagination and am too black & white…!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Enjoyed that one…

    Liked by 1 person

If you would like to reply please do so here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s