‘Surprisingly Spacious’ #writephoto

sue vincent crypt

Mike Mullett was fresh-faced and sweaty. Two days after joining Robson Pierre, Estate Agents he found himself waiting nervously outside 57 Pine Tree Approach, Penge holding tightly onto both a set of newly-minted particulars and the contents of his rumbling stomach. His boss, Kevin Pierre’s final words were ‘This couple are time-wasters. Show them around, make polite noises and come right back. Sell this heap of shit and I’ll marry your granny.’

The Trollopes were notorious among south London Agents for both being choosy and constantly bickering. Mike spotted them from 100 yards: Melissa with what Kevin described as her CBA – compulsive bosom adjustment – and Ebenezer with his expression like he had swallowed a wasp moments before. Mike did his best to ooze charm but it remained essentially waterborne.

‘Hello, I’m…’

‘Got the details? Yer man said it met our criteria.’

‘Criteria?’ Already Mike felt he had been driven onto the back foot.

‘Christ. Are you another gormless cretin? Come on, let’s see what we have.’

Mike led the way, reading as he went. The semi was utterly unexceptional which oddly seemed to please the Trollopes. They had worked their way from the top down with Mike turning the pages as he read the details.

‘That it?’ Mr Trollope sighed.

Mike flicked over to the final side. ‘No, there’s a…’ He stopped.


‘I think it must be a typo. I…’

Mrs Trollope put her head round the kitchen door. ‘There’s a door here. Is there a basement?’

‘Er…’ Mike stared at the sheet of paper. ‘It says…’

But Mr Trollope already had the door open and the couple were descending some rickety wooden stairs. Mike followed.

No one spoke. The enormous space, the fan vaulting, the smooth Portland stone paving, all lit with a strange sepulchral glow rendered them speechless. Eventually Mr Trollpe said. ‘What’s this place?’

Mike shook his head. ‘It says ‘crypt’.’

‘Bloody Hell.’ Mr Trollope turned to his wife. ‘What do you think, Mel?’

‘Perfect.’ She replied. ‘Mother will be very happy down here.’

Mike Mullett accepted the handshakes from Mr and Mrs Trollope with a detachment born as much from the stunning splendor of what he had seen as from the realisation that he had some difficult explaining to do to his grandmother.

This story is prompted by Sue Vincent’s #writephoto

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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16 Responses to ‘Surprisingly Spacious’ #writephoto

  1. Ritu says:

    Is Mother still alive though… or did she need to be uprooted?!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Erika Kind says:

    Ha, had the same question like Ritu! I wonder too!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Every mother should have her own crypt! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Brilliant! Mother could be a vampire!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Photo prompt round-up – Crypt #writephoto | Sue Vincent – Daily Echo

  6. Norah says:

    Hilarious, Geoff. I enjoyed the twist, but then this time I expected it too – but not for mother. Sounds like Mike will have a wedding to attend! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Rowena says:

    Ha! Great story. I reckon the Pokemon Go people would have a great time under there flushing out critters.
    As for your grandmother, very interesting…
    Hope you’ve had a great weekend. We’ve booked a council clean up and even the couches are going out. Speaking of out, Lady has become a houdini of late and we’d just finished dinner last night when my mobile rang…”Do you own a black dog?”
    They very kindly put her back behind the gate…the villian!
    xx Ro

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha! CBA. Great couple–I can see them perfectly. Enjoyed this one but am beginning to wonder. First the mother in the ice cream (literally) then the mother in the crypt. O_o

    Liked by 1 person

  9. KL Caley says:

    Haha! Great humour throughout! I enjoyed the twist. KL ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Autism Mom says:

    Love this! A cranky Addams family goes house hunting, lol

    Liked by 1 person

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