How to ensure your perfect ABB (Annual Bloggers Bash) #bloggersbash

abba-2016

In these days of the Perfect Body and with Beauty Tips everywhere and all sorts of nobodies vlogging on their own Youtube channels about make up and appearance and what have you (Zoella, Tricia Cusden, Melissa55 – yes, I’m that cool that I know this stuff) we bloggers need to think about our appearance at the Bash this Saturday. Hugh has posted, here, on what to bring so I thought you might welcome some guidance on a rigorous pre Bash regime to ensure your ABB is tip top and pipping!!

So, my 6 tips for the perfect ABB are:

  1. The Crunchie: a Crunchie, or any similarly branded chocolate bar is essential at the Bash to keep the Committee sugar high throughout the day. If at any stage Sacha says ‘we need a poll for that’ feed her chocolate. Ritu, here, is on the case.
  2. The Sit Up: this is the position to be adopted by all nominees attending. The votes will be in but sitting up and begging to the Committee might just swing it – that and chocolate (see 1)
  3. ย  Focusing on your Cor: to maximise your impact at the ABB, you need to SELL yourself, so, ย when describing your top five posts, you should aim for at least fifteen CORs! per post (with repititions) as well as a few WOWs! and HOW JOLLY INTERESTINGs
  4. Back extensions: while some Bashes recommend these we find excessive back stories can put people off; if you want examples of anecdotes that should have been strangled at birth, find The Geoffle and ask him about the time he was sacked from bench monitor at his primary school
  5. The Buttock Squeeze: I’m not really sure how this one slipped in. Hugh, have you been hacking me again?
  6. The Plank: see 4; lying flat on the floor and groaning is the recommended position to adopt if ever you do find yourself listening to a Geoffle anecdote. This picture shows ย what happened to one poor soul when he asked the smooth skinned frowning Geoffle to explain his theories on the proper use of the Oxford comma in a competitive situation

me and tortoise

We suggest your practice with some of Geoffle poetry, but do set the alarm at full volume because you will be rendered comatose and you mustn’t be late – see 1 re Sacha, Polls and chocolate.

Next week we will concentrate on how the grow the perfect Bash toupee in your window box and have an interview with the winner of the ABB Bingo award for the person who uses the words BASH, BLOGGING, EXCITED, CHOCOLATE and CURMUDGEON the most. Note: the Committee have insisted that only the use of these key words during the official Bash hours of 2pm to 5pm will be counted after excessive pre Bash gabbling by certain attendees last year.

See you all on Saturday and be ready to share with us your Rippling Yarns…

And here’s a picture of a rare turkey necked yellow Geoffle after he asked himself a question…

kipling

 

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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28 Responses to How to ensure your perfect ABB (Annual Bloggers Bash) #bloggersbash

  1. Ritu says:

    Reblogged this on But I Smile Anyway… and commented:
    Some more ABBA tips for you attendees from Geoffles! !!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sacha Black says:

    You’re so funny u nutter ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ali Isaac says:

    Always good to know, Geoff! Thanks for sharing. Bashers, take note… Geoffle knows what he’s waffling about! (He’s the only one who does…)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Fiona says:

    Oh, man! Will be there in spirit. Especially wen we settle down to watch the SA vs Ireland rugby on Saturday afternoon!

    Like

  5. Sarah Hardy says:

    Great post. So if I bring plenty of chocolate I should be okay ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

  6. AJ.Dixon says:

    Excellent advice! The COR tips made me laugh! ๐Ÿ˜„

    Liked by 1 person

  7. #5? It wasn’t me…honest. However, I can’t be held responsible when holding a bar of Crunchie, while standing on one leg balancing a wheelbarrow on my eyebrow. I’m far too busy for that.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I can send chocolate, but need to know the person you trust most to receive it. :-d ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ula says:

    Thanks for the laugh, Geoff. I am so excited and looking forward to the bash!!! I’ll come armed with chocolate. And I promise not to be a curmudgeon. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    It is so great the four of you organized such a great event. It’ll be so much fun.

    I’m afraid I might have a hard time sleeping tonight. Cause I’m so EXCITED!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think I’d better print this out and bring it with me. What with this and the directions…. Pockets won’t do – I’m going to need a bag, aren’t I?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. jan says:

    I’ll be there in spirit. I’ll esp my ripping yarns.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Norah says:

    Hilarious! You’re in fine form, Geoffle. I’m sure you’ll all have a wonderful day, and everyone will love listening to your back stories and anecdotes. The exercises sound just right for me, though a chocolate bar and a lie down, rather than a sit down, might suit me better. Have fun! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  13. willowdot21 says:

    Reblogged this on willowdot21 and commented:
    Today is special, today is not just any Saturday, today is the second year of the Annual Bloggers Bash!
    I am so excited because I am going!!
    Here is the one and only Geoff Leopard’s professional tips on how to prepare and be at your best for today’s event!

    Like

  14. willowdot21 says:

    Hi Geoff reblogged this this AM

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Have a fantastic time, you curmudgeon. ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽˆ Wish I could be there! Especially because of the Crunchie chocolate bar. *sigh* ๐Ÿซ Hope to see you all next year!

    Like

  16. Pingback: โ–บโ€œAntigoneโ€ by Sophocles / Two Poems at โ€œLa Poesรญa no Muerdeโ€ / #BloggerBash Awards ๐Ÿ”†.- | La Audacia de Aquiles

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