Bacon slicers

I won a flash fiction challenge this week. Microcosms. Have a look. You might like to give it a go. Each week a theme is picked – this was rhyming slang – and you can roll a wheel to see what character, genre and location you have been given. The challenge for me was the genre – horror. This is my entry; can you see my rhyming slang? Starting you off china plate = mate. There are two more.

China plate, London, horror

Into the mouth with babes and sucklings

107 words

‘Ironic name for the beast’s lair. The China Plate cafe.’

‘Stop philosophising and give me a rubber band with the bacon slicer.’

‘Christ, it’s a first date. Why not a knife?’

‘This’ll be quicker. We have to feed the beast by midnight.’

‘The letterbox is the mouth, yes?’

‘That’s what the Oracle said. Go grab the babies; they’re in the van.’

‘They’re dead right?’

‘Sure. Now you slice ‘em and I’ll pop them in the slot.’

‘Don’t get too close; or it’ll be like the old joke?’


‘Will customers refrain from sitting near the bacon slicer as we’re getting a little behind in our orders.’

‘Ha. Good one.’


About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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26 Responses to Bacon slicers

  1. Ritu says:

    Very funny! (Though I had to look up some of the slang lol!)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. AJ.Dixon says:

    I like this a lot! 😄 Being a Londoner, *cough* Greater London! *cough*, I am proud to say that I spotted the slang right away! I didn’t require a rubber band from anyone, either! 😉
    Nice work!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Eew… Didn’t get the slang, I don’t think. But congrats! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lucciagray says:

    Oh dear, I’m no longer a Londoner. Didn’t get enough to get the story😤😥 Will you explain/translate for the foreigners?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I couldn’t find translations on-line and am intrigued ………..

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ali Isaac says:

    Laugh out loud! 😄


  7. Ali Isaac says:

    Laugh out loud! 😄 And congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. davidprosser says:

    I got rubber band but missed first date, I’ve not hard that one before.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nice one, Geoff. You met your sausage

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sacha Black says:

    Lol this is brilliant and horrific! Bravo on the win geoffle very proud

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I like the idea of a beast being a place, or at least residing in it.


  12. Congratulations on the win, Geoff. Now all we need is Chas and Dave to sing us out.
    I didn’t think you did horror. Now I’m worried. 😱

    Liked by 1 person

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