Two into one: will it go? #cleavepoem #poetry

Jane Doughtery has given us the challenge to write a cleave poem. This is an odd form, two poems cleaved into one. You can read it as a whole or as two separate poems. At least that’s the idea. I’ve tried two

Cranes/Decrepitude

Cranes like widows/bowed by age

Slowly unwinding/with the weight of years

Each ticking click/like rusting cogs

Extends its arm/in painful stages

Towards the burden/the old man knows

Today’s task/there’s no other way

Just like yesterday/just to stay alive

 

Or this where I have tried to write two contrasting poems and meld them into one whole

Life/death

Happiness is the/ egg 

Blissful/shell

Cup of/broken

Love/seeping

Sadness/all

Banished/hope

From our hearts/expunged

Hmm, tricky, damn tricky

 

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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24 Responses to Two into one: will it go? #cleavepoem #poetry

  1. Al Lane says:

    I think the first one works better than the second (in fact, it works really well)… well done for trying. Tricky form!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought much of the first poem worked really well read as one piece – individually read, both are really good. The second one I preferred the versions separated…… Of course, I’m no expert 🙂

    Tricky, damn tricky is right. You get lots of points for giving such a mind bender a go I say!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sacha Black says:

    OMG this blows my mind – I could not do this. SO impressed Geoffle 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I warned you! I think I agree that the first one works best as straight poetry, but the second one is a very good stab at getting the two halves going in opposite directions, which I think gives it a deeper dimension.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. merrildsmith says:

    I thought you did a great job with the first one, Geoff. It is a tricky form, but I like it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Autism Mom says:

    Oh I love these! Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Poetry challenge Cleave Poem: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes

  8. rivrvlogr says:

    Both are excellent.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Janice says:

    I like both of your poems very much–tricky but successful. The crane image really works!

    Liked by 1 person

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