VGC, one careful lady driver…

I woke the other day and my thumb didn’t work. The night before, the last thing I did was set the alarm clock. I used my thumb. Overnight it jammed.

‘Arthritis,’ one friend said.

‘Gout, perhaps,’ another mused.

‘It’s age,’ was the consensus.

Which is true.

I never used to injure myself in my sleep. In bed, certainly (that’s a whole other series of posts). Now I can go to bed hale and hearty and click like an fidgety cicada in the morning.

image

In the days when I could wake safe in the knowledge that everything would function as before

Indeed the shuffle lines in the carpet from bed to bowl are physical proof of the time it takes to loose off my Achilles and restore a normal footfall first thing.

We mused on this aging process the other day. Are there stages, well identified tipping points? For instance what stage are you at, in this decline into decrepitude, when you have to stop walking in order to blow your nose? We noticed this in our respective parents where each event becomes entirely self contained and multitasking is limited to the body’s vital functions.

Maybe ‘shuffle off your mortal coil’ as a euphemism for death tells you something. That seems to be it.

So today I decided I would run up the stairs carrying a heap of ironed clothes.

It didn’t end well. More the point I hadn’t been the one doing the ironing. Hence, today, you’ll find me for sale on eBay. Like an old motor.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in humour, memories, miscellany and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to VGC, one careful lady driver…

  1. Is the thumb thing related to using a computer trackpad or texting? I buggered my right thumb on the computer a year ago and i’ve trained myself not to use it ever. The changes of getting older seem to be more verbal than physical in my case. I feel I’m old enough to hurl abuse at bad drivers with impunity.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. trifflepudling says:

    I hadn’t picked up on the blowing nose whilst walking along kind of thing when my father was around! I’m glad I didn’t know about it or else I’d have been watching out all the time. What I didn’t like was when the care worker said he had become “de-skilled”. Of all the horrible, impersonal terms. Couldn’t they just have said he’d lost it a bit, in a kind sort of way?! We’d all have known what she meant.
    Hope your thumb works again soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sacha Black says:

    Id have suggested it was over using it to make rude gestures at people but that’s the wrong finger!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. jan says:

    Sometimes my thumb gets stuck to my palm – generally because I’ve slept on my hand!!! That bonnet looks swell on your head! Is it your Easter bonnet?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. M. L. Kappa says:

    Well, I’m not buying you, that’s for sure! But you know what they say, if you’re over 45 and nothing hurts, it means you’re dead…😬

    Liked by 2 people

  6. A friend and I were discussing the difficulties that have arisen for us in retrieving our uprightness from a floor sitting position – as old hippies we were bewailing the fact that maybe floor sitting was to become a past tense for us – While I pondered what had become of graceful fluidity, she said “When did getting up become a multi step process?” ……

    I did notice a few years back that the spending of my life savings on one of those new beds with super space age technology mattresses made for a lesser amount of things that didn’t-work-any-more-in-the-morning……

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Anabel Marsh says:

    Obviously a lot of wear and tear on this item so I’ll bid 50p.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Charli Mills says:

    Thumb yoga! And see, I intuitively knew ironing clothes would lead to disaster, thus I embrace all life’s wrinkles. 🙂 Good luck at auction!

    Like

  9. Did you remember to remove your thumb from the clock?

    Like

  10. I hope the bids are coming in thick and fast.

    As the saying goes – “life is like a toilet roll. The nearer you get to the end the quicker it runs out.”. Thank goodness I can still blow my nose while walking.

    Like

  11. ellenbest24 says:

    This tickled me have you got to the stage where you make chair noises? Mmmuhhu phpfump! And thats just bending the knees. P.s. blowing your nose while walking could lead to tripping slipping and possibly popping your ears😨😱😲

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Lisa Reiter says:

    Oh god. I have a big toe behaving like this and it was indeed gout a couple of times. Not to be wished on anyone! Lol. I like to think of it as a temporary blip in the system that I’ll be able to reboot, rather than end up on an inevitable scrap heap!

    Liked by 1 person

If you would like to reply please do so here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s