Two years and counting

It is two years, almost to the day when I laid down my pen, reboxed my wig and sheaved my pen for the last time and ceased being a lawyer.

I don’t miss it at all but, with the benefit of hindsight I realise that you can take the boy out of the law but it isn’t so easy to take the law out of the boy.

Here, in no particular order, and accepting a number apply to other career choices too, are thirteen ways in which I will never completely shake off that particular virus.

  1. I find I still say ‘whence’ and ‘hitherto’ and ‘wherefor’ when talking to my family
  2. I cannot avoid defining things as in ‘When you say you’ll be late, what do you mean exactly?’
  3. If I buy something that has a set of terms and conditions I look at them from a distance, sigh and mumble ‘I’m sure they’ll be fine’.
  4. Then I make someone else sign the contract
  5. When I write a shopping list it has a list of exclusions on the back
  6. I insist on things being in writing: so if there’s chocolate in the fridge with no name on it, I think it’s fair to claim squatters rights since  it obviously doesn’t belong to anyone.
  7. I can bullshit for longer and with greater fluency than all my friends save those who are also lawyers.
  8. I enjoy dressing up in gowns
  9. In any family discussion I am inclined to say, ‘But you said on the 27th March….’ and have a contemporaneous note of the conversation in my journal.
  10. I am happy using expressions like ‘contemporaneous note’ and don’t feel a dick when I do.
  11. I keep a note of how long things take to do though my attempts to introduce time sheets into our daily routine have thus far floundered.
  12. I am aghast when, having cited a clearly binding Authority, the precedent is ignored: as in ‘but I always watch the rugby/cricket/football/golf on Saturdays’.
  13. I feel more confortable if I’m allowed to include a simple errors, omissions and indemnity clause on the back of wedding presents, birthday cards and invites to dinner parties. It’s like checking the tyre pressures before a long journey.

I expect everyone will laugh at this; after all most people do these things anyway, don’t they? I mean, I’m not that odd.


About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published two anthologies of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand and Life in a Flash. More will appear soon, including a memoir of my mother's last years. I will try and continue to blog regularly at about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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22 Responses to Two years and counting

  1. Sue Vincent says:

    Odd? No….
    (Disclaimer: This comment is intended for perusal solely by the individual addressee named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for those of a sensitive disposition.)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. willowdot21 says:

    ‘contemporaneous note’ Those buggers played a huge part in my husband’s life before he retired…. I hated the sight of his note books… thank God for the Dictaphone, tape recorder and finally video machine!! He still tries to grill er I mean interview me on some things, and has the same attitude as you to ‘ terms and conditions!’ Still needs to be early for everything and sometimes finds himself following cars!! God bless him and you !! No you are not odd at all!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Not odd, but I bet you are a horrendous opponent in an argument!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Autism Mom says:

    I love this and oh, how I can relate.

    “I cannot avoid defining things as in ‘When you say you’ll be late, what do you mean exactly?’”
    I do this all the time.

    “If I buy something that has a set of terms and conditions I look at them from a distance, sigh and mumble ‘I’m sure they’ll be fine’.”

    I recently managed to get play time at a trampoline play place without signing the waiver form and was cackling with glee – a thing only a lawyer would get a kick out of.

    I also secretly enjoy conversations about legal minutiae – it’s a guilty pleasure. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ali Isaac says:

    Of course you’re not odd! It’s everyone else who is odd. You are quite normal for a Geoffle, I believe, but then you are the only one I have ever met. Quite a rare species, so I’ve heard…


  6. Solveig says:

    Reading this made me smile

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Not odd, no Geoff (as I am not under oath I assume that this has not been recorded).

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Congrats on the 2 years


  9. Sacha Black says:

    Ha!! This did make me chuckle! Your next list needs to be the same except from a writers perspective!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Charli Mills says:

    #6 is adoptable; the rest made me laugh! Evidently, lawyers can be geeky, too. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. No, you are not odd. It’s everyone else that is odd (in my opinion). 👍

    Liked by 1 person

  12. rogershipp says:

    Loved the list… Now I feel a little more ‘normal’?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. davidprosser says:

    The law may not always have reached the correct destination but at least it was always well spoken and polite. I have to confess you’re not odd at all Geoff, just more insured than others that you won’t be caught out on the finer points.

    Liked by 1 person

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