The Lawyer and the Beautician are in Edinburgh for the Fringe. The Textiliste, the Vet and I go in a week so we are keen to receive recommendations. Last night we were told ‘Go to Colin Cloud Kills – he’s amazing’. ‘What’s he do?’ ‘Amazing Mind Reader!’
We won’t go. I’d love it but the Textiliste would hate it. She may never reach the seats and, if she did, she would sit through the whole thing like someone at the dentist told they needed experimental root canal treatment which required access rectally.
She is of the school that says ‘I’ve paid to be entertained, not be part of the entertainment.’ It’s one reason we rarely see much stand up in Edinburgh. Me, I’m happy to be a fall guy, happy to see if these things really are as good as they are cracked up to be. She wants to watch and absorb, not engage and act.
It’s our relationship, in microcosm this managing of the Marmite Moments. If you are unfamiliar with this concept the name references a tarry yeast-based food spread that even advertises the fact you either love it or you hate it. I once described it as faecal paste so you can surmise which side of the toast I’m on.
Families, friendships, marriages (not wishing to suggest they do not fall into the previous categories), they all require a negotiation of these bear traps. Because if you don’t come to some sort of compromise the pent up explosion might be devastating.
Morning person or night owl? I’m a bit of both, the Textiliste is very much an owl so I get up to water Dog and make the first beverage of the day.
And that first beverage: tea or coffee? we’re both tea people but we know enough advocates of coffee as the starting stimulus to realise this is an issue for others.
White or brown bread? Skimmed milk or full fat. Tap running while cleaning ones teeth or turned off? Bath or shower? Towels jammed on the rail or draped neatly?
Newspapers dismantled or kept whole? Bookmarks or page corners turned over?
And we’ve barely started the day.
And into that mix we now throw technology and a whole new etiquette. The number of times you look at your phone in an hour, on a car journey, going round the supermarket? We are still working through our issues here but we have agreed on one thing. Stroking my tablet in bed is a technological intimacy too far.