Making a BOOB from the Bash: the depressing news that the #bloggersbash was a roarign success

Hi. I’m writing this from a very dark place. Very dark indeed.

Let me tell you what happened.

I heard the Gang of Four planned on breakfast so I turned up early disguised as a menu. I did all I could to stop them. Really. But I only managed to delay their arrival at Newton’s Throne. I thought that might be sufficient but the other bloggers waited; who knew they could be patient?

While they chatted and pretended to enjoy each other’s company I trotted over the road to the restaurant. I organised as many families to come in as possible, lots of kids, lots of noise but they DIDN’T MIND. Even the speeches could be heard. Drat and double drat.

They had winners. Oh yes, of course, nasty little teasers. All part of the seduction by the Gang of Four. Check out the winners’ blogs, here, and you’ll see how seductively good they are. They’re like a sugar rush. Before you know it you’ve clicked ‘follow’, you’ve got a email in your inbox and they have you for hours, reading their posts and the comments, enjoying the banter and repartee. You will be brainwashed and have NO LIFE. They are that good.

They will have this sign; it’s a warning: be afraid.

bloogers bash winners

And everyone had a good time. Or they pretended to. Not me, of course. It was awful. It was worse than I thought. I learnt some things you’ll not believe. You see this gang of four use pseudonyms. They’re not who they say they are.

Sacha Black is nothing of the sort. Her real name is… er, well, to tell you the truth it’s so long and unpronounceable it makes

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch

 

trip off the tongue like Penge.

Let’s just say she needs an extra sheet when she applies for a passport. Her name is in fact an anagram of

 

A dog ate Nicholas’ Water Knickers

That’s suspicious, isn’t it?

Hugh Roberts is a Palindromic Patagonian Postman called Robert Hughes intent on delivering Hove into the clutches of the Welsh using only bubble wrap and a second class stamp.

And

Ali Isaac is in fact Isaac Ali, a 4000 year old bearded Β Indo-Irish Mythological Mystic.

The Geoffle is just hopeless.

I needed to get in closer but they were suspicious. So I used a disguise

geoffle cake

Can you see me? No, not the stupid goon with the pink beard – what a show off. No I’m the third piece of lemon drizzle cake on the left. Neat huh? I sat in that sweaty box for hours, waiting my chance. Eventually they took the lid off and I was just about to take copious notes when someone ate me. It could have been Suzie from Suziespeaks: she won twice and loved the cake.

Talk about inconsiderate. That’s why I’m in a dark place. I don’t know when I’ll emerge or what shape I’ll be in. But I did hear they want to do this again. So I will be back.

We will stop this muck spreading

Yours

Chief BOOB

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in A to Z blogging challenge, miscellany and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

67 Responses to Making a BOOB from the Bash: the depressing news that the #bloggersbash was a roarign success

  1. Sue Vincent says:

    Reblogged this on Daily Echo and commented:
    I was going to write a post on the Bloggers Bash in London yesterday… I am beginning to wonder if I need to bother… or if I can stop laughing long enough to write anything…

    Liked by 4 people

  2. lucciagray says:

    Sounds like you had fun! I’m so jealous πŸ™‚ I’ll try to make it next year.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Geoffle, you’re a legend. And yes, the cake was awesome…
    Bloody hilarious…

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    News from the DARK SIDE of the Bloggers Bash yesterday – the chances this craven (I mean Heroic) entity (?) took…
    Now he’s gone to pieces – and our beloved Suzie may be responsible πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

    Liked by 2 people

  5. janmalique says:

    Mighty Shaman (and occasional shapechanger it appears) your words of wisdom had me prostrate with laughter. Almost made me wish I was there…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    Field reports are beginning to come in from undercover drizzle cake at yesterday’s Annual Bloggers Bash, looks like everybody who turned up was a pen-name and any resemblance to their profile photograph was purely accidental.. anyway I will let this particular piece of drizzle cake tell his report…..hugs

    Liked by 3 people

  7. willowdot21 says:

    Give it up Geoffle ( am I allowed to call you that! ) you mad fool you they have already won and I am compleiied to join you all next time!

    Liked by 3 people

  8. janmalique says:

    Sounds like you had a wonderfully surreal time oh mighty Shapechanger, taking on any trainee shamans by any chance???

    Liked by 1 person

    • TanGental says:

      Ah now there’s the thing. Apprentice morphologistes are being recruited just now. Have you transformed recently? A little light face swapping? Or are you still at the ‘moving very fast and hoping no one notices’ stage?

      Liked by 1 person

      • janmalique says:

        Transformations usually take place shortly after dawn in the place of greatest Light, for it is the bathroom ye non-initiates. I cannot reveal much more. More due to embarrassment than any great secrecy. More of an amble than “moving very fast..”
        I can provide my own packed lunches and a passable sense of humour master shaman. Sorry, Master Shaman. When do we start?

        Liked by 1 person

      • TanGental says:

        Well there needs to be a neap tide on the River Styx and a ‘r’ in the laundry, unless your lunch includes a scotch egg when the uncontrolled rumblings of the Great Un’curtained One will presage a plague of asthmatic carburettors – say Tuesday fortnight at three-ish?

        Liked by 1 person

      • janmalique says:

        the as itis quir

        Liked by 1 person

      • janmalique says:

        Oops! Stuck in a traffic jam on the Styx, finger slipped. Will consult the bones as I have appts backed up. Might be going to Salsa class with Persephone at 2.30 on that day.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Fine. You didn’t dye your hair. But a pink beard is acceptable. Looks good. You should keep it. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  10. noelleg44 says:

    Gee, did you have a good time or WHAT?

    Liked by 3 people

  11. blondieaka says:

    So funny I have just choked on my cornflakes…ha ha…love it! Wish I had been there…next time! He He πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Lemon cake, oh sweet lemon cake, parting is such sweet sorrow. I fain would have eaten you till it be morrow.
    Melinda

    Liked by 2 people

  13. trifflepudling says:

    Well done with your event! Glad it went well.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Charli Mills says:

    You brought cake…wait, you were cake…! I definitely missed out! Glad the Bash was a success!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Ali Isaac says:

    LMAO and LOL and !!!!!!!!
    All the things you most love in a comment, crowded into the very first line… You can thank me later.
    On a serious note, fab post Geoffle! You are HILARIOUS!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ali Isaac says:

    Reblogged this on aliisaacstoryteller and commented:
    The Geoffle’s version of events!

    Like

  17. A trap?
    If not, then
    Congratulations! Great idea of causing the meeting bloggăr family members.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Pingback: The late Sue Vincent… | Daily Echo

  19. Aw, you poor Geoffle! My heart goes out to you πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  20. olganm says:

    Fantastic. I so hope there’s another one next year and I can make it… πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Reblogged this on graemecummingdotnet and commented:
    Since it’s taken me about 2 months to write a wholly original blog of my own, the chances of me putting together a post about how brilliant the Bloggers Bash was on Saturday seem pretty remote.

    But I have no need to worry about that, because so many people have already begun to put across their own perspectives and I can just share theirs.

    And it was good to see here that Geoffle managed to pick out the carrots from his post… (might not make sense to many people, but it will to the handful who were there when he described his writing methodology)

    Like

  22. Sacha Black says:

    And another dose of brilliance to finish it off! Love the spelling of my name! Hahaha.

    What on earth will the boobs try and do next year to smear our campaign? Counter t shirts?! πŸ˜‹ would love boobs on my Tshirt! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Norah says:

    Glad you had a good time. Pink is becoming. Lemon cake sounds delicious!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Sherri says:

    LOL πŸ˜€ Darn, I missed out on the lemon drizzle cake, my favourite!!! This is hilarious Geoff, love it!!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Annecdotist says:

    How depressing! The whole thing a roaring success? And I do believe even the sun came out.. You know what this means? Yup, you’re going to have to do it again next year.

    Like

  26. Geoff, the cakes were lovely, but had I known that one of them was a spy then I’d eaten the lot!

    Just off to make my second delivery of bubble wrapped post πŸ™‚

    Like

  27. Rachel M says:

    I just love this. Not just the terrific blog awards but that so many of you all got together to meet up and celebrate! I wish I could have come!

    Liked by 1 person

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