Some say I’m a doom monger, others that I’m prescient, a sooth-person. Tomorrow those Four Bloggers of the Apocalypse will have their cummupence. Have you seen this?
They pretend these harmless envelopes contain the names of award winners but you know what they are? They’re the first chosen to be sacrificed for their dastardly plans. These Innocents will be taken on a journey like no other. They will be genre-whipped, character-clipped and have their narrative arcs stripped bare. And then offered a T shirt for six quid and a sweaty hug.
But there is hope. You see I’ve built an animatronic Geoffle. A Trojan Hamster. There are a few technical issues t resolve. The faux beard hasn’t worked out as I hoped – it’s a bit, hmm… But by tomorrow I will be able to merge into the background; no one will spot me.
I know what you’re thinking. How will you know it’s me so you can rally to the cause? Easy. Approach the nearest Geoffle – there will be a lot around, wandering aimlessly looking for people who’ll listen to them go on about their new book. Ask:
Is that cake free?
If it’s me, I will answer:
Free the cake from blogging oppression!
The real Geoffles will try and give you a delicious square; they’d drugged with goodness and healthy ingredients.
Join me and
WE SHALL OVERCOME
Remember we need lots of applause. They absolutely hate praise and goodwill. We will clap their dirty schemes to dust.
British Library 11 am and after Pizza Express 12.30.
Please help. One brave member has already tried to send a help message and they did this to him.
Be afraid, be very afraid.
Supreme Commander (self-styled) of The BOOB Elite