The (very secret and highly sinister) Annual Bloggers Bash Awards

I’m writing this post in a whisper because I fear I may be overheard. Have you seen this?

blog award

It’s been creeping across the web like a virus.  First it hit England, here. Sacha was Seduced by its Siren Sounds. People wondered if it could be true. We’d dreamt of this day since we set up out blogs but could it be true? It spread to Wales, here… Hugh’s High Hopes soared. Was it real? And it crossed the Irish Sea, here… Ali Aliterated Assiduously, but still the question remained…

Was this for real? That has always been our question, people. Could it truly be the case that this is a forum for flesh and blood humans to meet or is it our worst fear realised, that some sort of three dimensional construct of someone’s imagination has been set free to snare us. If we turn up at the British Library on August 1st what might we find?

I mean we all know we’re real, but in the Matrix-esque world we bloggers inhabit surely we know by now that damn near everyone else is a construct of the Web, figments of authorial imaginations? Hence Sacha may have been the unwitting vehicle for a cunning trap and that, on that fated day, at that fated place all we of the flesh and blood kind will become characters in some yet to be published, badly plotted narrative arch that will appear as a facebook post in some YA fantasy future.

I’ve taken risks, people and infiltrated the gang of three behind this dastardly farrago. And some things have emerged like weevils from a tweet;

1. I have uncovered a picture (on the Slightly-Gloomy-But-With-The-Chance-Of-Brighter-Spells-Later Web, a few degrees west of the Dark Web) of the holographic blog-whistler who will lead you all to your doom – yes, YOUR DOOM – if you approach him and fail to offer cake as a placatory gesture

2015-07-09 16.58.39

See, he looks like a robot. And those shades? Apparently he doesn’t have eyes, just holes that will suck out your souls….

2. A picture has emerged of the meeting place. See that sinister statue – like a man garotting bloggers. This should be warning enough…

2015-07-04 13.08.52

I know it looks like Newton, but in reality he is sitting on a box of previously trapped bloggers, forced to type out guest posts that never get accepted…

3. The Entrance to the meeting point is covered in cryptic neo-Venusian script that spells out the secret code which allows entrance to that higher portal of writing consciousness –  Traditional Publishing – but, people be warned…

2015-07-08 09.54.41

are you brave enough to enter the portal?

… if all you see here is British Library, written one on top of the other, you will surely be killed off in your own final edit.

We need to confront this evil. We must stop the Rise of the Machines. This isn’t a harmless get together for people who really don’t get out much; it is Feeding the Beast.

And there are prizes to be won.

There’s only one way to find out.

BE THERE AT 11am. TOGETHER WE CAN FIGHT THIS DYSTOPIAN NIGHTMARE…. and maybe share a few plot ideas along the way. And pizza. And maybe cake…

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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67 Responses to The (very secret and highly sinister) Annual Bloggers Bash Awards

  1. Ali Isaac says:

    Geoff, what a fabulous post! Looking forward to meeting you! (And everyone!)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ali Isaac says:

    Reblogged this on aliisaacstoryteller and commented:
    It’s the only place to be on Aug 1st… Or is it???

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Norah says:

    I’m pleased Ali knew the date, because I couldn’t see it in your post. Maybe it’s in the cake!
    I hope you all have a wonderful time. I’m sorry I won’t be there, and won’t be taking cake. If it is only half as enjoyable as when we met up at the Library, you’ll all have a mighty fine time.
    Your post is very clever. I was smiling all the way through. I love the shirt. I hope all participants have one. What a great team you will make. (As long as you’re not the only one!)
    Have a wonderful time, one and all! I’ll be with you in spirit. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am sorry that I won’y be able to be there. Please make sure to give us all a full report of the dastardly deeds and criminal capers that everyone gets up to! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Ooh, cake! Sadly, I’ll probably miss the chance to placate the doom-master with confectionery of some sort or other… 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Study. Read. Write. and commented:
    *looks around to check whether people are following her*
    *lurks around the British Library entrance*
    *whistles nonchalantly*
    *hold up handwritten sign*

    “I’ll be there!”

    *goes back to whistling*

    Liked by 2 people

  7. That was fun to read. Enjoy yourselves, we here in the U.S. will surely be watching ! ☺ Van

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Annecdotist says:

    I LOVE how you’ve written about this! Great T-shirt and somehow you’ve managed to let the British library forecourt look like Tiananmen Square.
    I’ve already tendered my apologies to Sacha for the meet up as I’ll be travelling back from my Newcastle launch, but I hope you all have a great time and look forward to more photos!

    Liked by 1 person

    • TanGental says:

      Tiananmen sq. you’re right it does rather! We will let you know how it goes. Part of Sacha’s plans for world domination! Looking forward to your launch btw.

      Like

  9. Autism Mom says:

    You can’t help but respect a creature that takes cake as a placatory gesture.

    Wish I could be there – I hope you guys have an amazing time! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Reblogged this on Hugh's Views & News and commented:
    More details about the upcoming Bloggers Bash being held in London on August 1st. Check out Geoff’s post for more details.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Aimer Boyz says:

    LOL! Fantastic! Too bad I can’t join you guys 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh my goodness! Thankfully I resisted the siren call.
    I’ll be here, trying to unravel the mystery from this side of the pond.
    Good luck with avoiding soul sucking eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. willowdot21 says:

    I am so incredibly envious. Green even!! Love the style of the post I do wish I could attended!! 🙂 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m envious for sure. Threats and all. But…cake. And meeting all these wonderful bloggers. Have fun! Can’t wait to see photos. (And love this one of you in the tshirt.) 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Claudette says:

    Very tempted by the cake, and the chance of meeting you, but I feel it’s just a teeny bit too far to come on a weekend. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Pingback: VOTING NOW OPEN – Annual Bloggers Bash Awards | Sacha Black

  17. Pingback: The (very secret and highly sinister) Annual Bloggers Bash Awards | Daily Echo

  18. noelleg44 says:

    Wish I could – I’d bring cake!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Kev says:

    Shouting it out!!! Oops, forgot, you said, secret and I just shared it on all socials… Oh well! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Sacha Black says:

    Just love these posts – I’m only now catching up with my sodding inbox. Bravo Geoff… oh wait I’m not paying you compliments…. this is mediocre at best. humph.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Chris White says:

    I really am going to have to follow you …. but at a discreet distance.
    I got 10,000,000 th place in the annual lazy blogger awards held in my back garden. I didn’t attend as I couldn’t be asked to get out of bed.
    All the best. Kris.

    Liked by 1 person

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