Hair today and gone tomorrow.

Lisa Reiter, she of the bite sized memoires, has prompted us with a photo challenge around hair.

Bad Hair Day !

Rather unfair, seeing as these days I am folically challenged more than most. In a way, of course, the progression of my hair through the years reflects the seven ages of this particular man (maybe more ages – see for yourself).

The new born – hair? What hair?

2014-07-17 17.20.41

note the barely there fuzz

A year or so on – for a few short years I thought I was a dashing blond…

2014-07-17 17.20.55

miserable little…

We entered the 1960s, but our parents remained rooted in the 1950s. Especially with that bloody parting. And the Tufty Club – look closely and you can see our badges.

2014-07-17 17.18.09

Et Tu, Archaeologist? If you so much as breathe I’m eviscerating your spleen.

It took until the 1970s for the Le Pards to let our hair down

01- BAG - 003

Why didn’t I stick with the parting? I never had a girlfriend. Hmm, could the fact I look like Kate Bush have anything to do with it?

My twenties should have been liberating; I’d left home, gone to university. I was my own man. What was I thinking?

05 BOX-012

I was trying to get away from my father’s influence so what’s with the small caterpillar on my top lip. At least I didn’t try and model myself on Lizzie Bennett’s forgotten taxidermist next to me.

My hair was fine and unmanageable – and never grew any longer despite my best efforts. So a bit like with the housing crisis, having failed to develop in one area, I decided to concentrate my tonsorial artistry elsewhere – time to become a pogonophile.

01- BAG - 001

Almost neat; not quite but almost.

Or this.

geoff uni 2 2

What did she see in him? The face fungus, the blue checked trousers no golfer would wear and the cheesy 69 on his sweatshirt…

I played around with beards and taches for years, rather neglecting what was happening atop.

geoff uni 1 2

you don’t fool us pretending you can read.

But spending time on the chin meant the top felt neglected and stealthily began to leave for more accommodating pates

geoff pushing boat 2

I, erm, ran the boat aground so I sort of had to push it off. Narrow boats are bloody heavy. You can see daylight beginning to peep through.

My hair’s departure had a mastermind quality: I’ve started so I’ll finish.

geoff stealing kiss 2

Currying favours I suppose – or trying to steal her water.

So eventually

geoff mauritius 2

front as well as top; at least that bloody parting wasn’t an issue any more

Until the full solar panel for a sex god emerged…

sam jenni geoff olympics 2

The Lawyer prays every night he has his mother’s family hair gene

And a memory. Here goes.

Dad sort of tilted. His moustache was lopsided and he did lean rather. When driving he liked the window open, a legacy of smoking perhaps, and he would incline towards the door, elbow on the frame. We complained a lot, the Archaeologist and me, about the cold and debris that we had to put up with in the back. Totally ignored, until Mum came to our recue with ‘Des, wind it up, it’s my sciatica’ or some such. Sometime in the 1970s when we both experimented with a longer style of hair, Dad developed a distinct comb over. One day, the atmospherics, car velocity and fate conspired to set said comb over into a spiralling froth above Dad’s head. We both watched, fascinated as the hair-tail, like Isadora Duncan’s silk scarf became sucked into the vortex of the open window.

‘Dad, wind it up. Mum’s neck.’ The Archaeologist knew full well that Dad would remain at his customary 60 degrees while the window went up; however the real question was would the rising glass dampen the frisky little toupee? Not a bit. To our delight, the ends were neatly trapped. Now it was just a case of concentration and patience. We didn’t wait long.

I was about fifteen when this happened. Had I heard Dad say ‘Fucking Hell’ prior to the moment he ripped a tuft from his head as he braked to avoid a slowing lorry? Not that I remember.

So, to end, I’ve always wanted different hair…

geoff hippy 2

Hippy Hippy Hooray. And why do I look as if I have holes in my ears?

And eventually I might end up like my great uncle Beelzebub

linda sam monster 2

at least there’s some at the sides….

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in memoires, miscellany, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Hair today and gone tomorrow.

  1. lucciagray says:

    Great pictures! Better captions! Hilarious anecdote! Thanks for sharing! It reminded me of my mother’s wig being removed by a playful branch on our apple tree!

    Like

  2. willowdot21 says:

    Thank you thank you I was feeling a tad low but you have had me in stitches! Bloody great memories!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Charli Mills says:

    And here I thought it was easy for men to tame their hair! Too funny!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Norah says:

    Lovely life story. Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed reading. Love the anecdote. What is it with comb-overs anyway? Surely no young man could find them attractive. At what age does a man’s thinking change to view a comb-over as acceptable? LOL :0

    Like

  5. avalinakreska says:

    Wonderful story. But you know Geoff, women find men with receding hairlines attractive. It’s a sign of virality. 🙂 Receding hairlines won’t bother women one jot. Only if you’re a total arse-hole will women start looking at hairlines (as an excuse).

    Like

    • TanGental says:

      Thanks Avalina; you have neatly pricked my vanity! As the last picture with my children shows I’ve accepted that, as with mountain tops, my crown is above the hairline where little can grow but I believe the views are superb!

      Like

  6. Cindi says:

    What great photos and descriptions! Glad I’ve finished with my coffee; it’d be all over my laptop screen otherwise…..

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 😀 Love the photos! And the captions are hilarious (as is the anecdote about your dad). I think you look best in the last photo, personally.

    Like

  8. Jeanne Lombardo says:

    Touchingly funny and a good reminder that men must deal with not just dubious style choices but the humbling reality of visible hair loss. (Women suffer it too, albeit in a much more surreptitious way….) Wonderful post! I see now that my youthful snickers about my own dad’s comb-over was just another manifestation of love…

    Like

  9. Lisa Reiter says:

    What a joyful post! A wonderful collection and transition through the years although I think they’re mostly rather dashing and not too many ‘bad’ hair days. The beards are rather fetching..

    Burst out laughing when I got to the solar panel and love the anecdote about your Dad’s wispy comb-over being trapped in the window. So glad those have gone out of fashion! 😀

    Like

    • TanGental says:

      I’ve always been a sucker for flattery but I suspect you need better glasses! And too true about the comb over; unlike those flares or loon pants I hope it never comes back into fashion.

      Like

  10. Amber Prince says:

    The pictures… The captions… The hair… Your story telling… All hilariously well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sherri says:

    Oh once again you have me laughing Geoff, just love this. The vision I have of your dad, and I love the way you bring back the 70’s. I’m stuck in the 70’s (my memoir story takes place between 1979 – 1981) so I’m reliving them in more ways than one. Great to see all your family pics too with the clever captions. Wonderful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Loved your hairy then not so hairy walk through life that you took us on with these photos. Great annecdotes and captions had me chuckling away. Your poor Dad……

    Like

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